( This way... )“Name him? Why on earth would I do that?”
“I don’t know, for fun.” He said rolling up his sleeves as he came back into the main section.
Ianto tossed the box at Jack, “You name him.”
“It’s your gift.” Jack said throwing it back.
“It was your suggestion.”
“Oh come on, where’s your sense of nonsense.”
“Jack, it’s an inflatable sheep.” Ianto said blunt and to the point.
“…And...”
“Besides, what would I do with an inflatable sheep?”
“I don’t know-“
“Oh I’m sure you don’t.” Ianto said flashing a grin and handing the box back to Jack.
“Cute,” Jack remarked, “it could just sit on the counter upstairs and look pretty.”
“You think this,” Ianto said taking, said sheep out of the box, “is pretty.”
“Fine, you sit on the counter upstairs and look pretty and he’ll do your job.”
“I’m sure it will be a very productive day.”
“You still haven’t given it a name.”
“Why should I? It was just Owen and Suzie taking the piss.”
“Exactly! You wouldn’t want them to win now would you?”
“They win if I don’t name it?” Ianto asked, furrowing his brow in adorable confusion, “I wasn’t aware there was a contest.”
“Well not in so many words, but back down from this.” Jack said waving the deflated sheep at Ianto, “and they’ll try to torment you at every turn.”
“Fine, what’s your plan? I’m sensing you have one otherwise you wouldn’t have dragged me down here.” Ianto finally gave in to Jack’s nonsensical sense of fun.
“I didn’t drag you. There was no dragging involved. Although if you want to be-“
“Down boy.” Ianto smiled, “You want me to give him a name then? Then what; it’d be the Torchwood Mascot?”
“Why not?”
“Well for one Myfawny would be very upset.”
“This is true.” Jack said looking thoughtful.
“And would we have to include it in team briefings?”
“Well…”
“And it’d need a booster seat for the SUV to be seen in public.”
“We could just strap it to the top.”
“That’s cruel. And would it need to complete an accident form if it gets hurt.”
Jack covered the deflated sheep ears; “Sssh. ‘He’ remember, he?”
“Ah yes, we wouldn’t want him to get a complex now would we.”
“That’s the spirit! Now do you want to blow or should I?”
“Did you really just ask me that?” Ianto asked after a moment.
“I meant the sheep.”
“You want me to blow a sheep?”
“I don’t care for your tone.” Jack said playfully.
“Oh sorry, that should be; ‘you want me to blow a sheep,sir’”
“You’re a wicked man Ianto Jones.”
“Fine,” Ianto said taking the sheep from Jack and started inflating it. A few minutes later he stopped, “Jack? You’re staring at my lips.”
“In my defence they are very nice lips.”
“You haven’t moved for three minutes.”
“They are very nice lips.”
“I’m going to get some coffee.” Ianto replied, with a shake of his head, “Have you seen my coat?”
“I hung it up in my office; it was too nice a coat to be on the back of a chair.”
“Do you want the usual? That’s if it’s still open, maybe if I run...” Ianto said looking at his watch.
“Well then, if you’re worried you could always stay here and get a cup.”
“I’m sorry, but ‘instant’ coffee isn’t coffee.”
“Follow me…” Jack said taking Ianto by the hand.
“*Now* you’re dragging me.” Ianto noted.
“Leading, Ianto, I’m leading you.”
“Oh yes, the difference is so subtle how could I have missed it.”
“Now…” Jack said stopping abruptly and walked behind Ianto, covering his eyes in the process, “Walk forward, carefully.”
“I have little choice.” Ianto replied, waving his arms around looking for something solid to grab hold of.
“Is that new aftershave?” Jack asked.
“Are you smelling me?”
“No, just curious,” jack said “now keep your eyes closed.” He said moving his hands from Ianto’s eyes to his waist, “and turn…”
“If I wind up in your bedroom I’m calling a lawyer.”
“Empty promises Ianto.”
“Well maybe not *right* away.” Ianto theorised.
“And, open.” Jack said, to which Ianto did so.
“Do you like it? I had it installed while we where out.” He said gesturing to the coffee machine, “I know it’s selfish to ask you to make coffee all the time, but after that cup when we first met how could I not. And it’ll save you going Starbucks every five minutes, and-”
“Jack.” Ianto interrupted, “you don’t have to justify it, thank you. It’s very thoughtful.”
“Really? I mean I don’t know how to work it but I’m sure there was a manual…somewhere.”
“So my first month here and I get a coffee machine, what ever next?”
“Well that’s not all I got you.”
“Jack- this would have cost a fortune, you really didn’t need to get me anything. As Owen said I’m still here and haven’t been maimed or killed or pulled into another time or turned into something-”
“In my defence I told him not to press the button.”
“Thank you.” Ianto affirmed, staring Jack in his baby-blues, “now, do you want a cup?” he asked gesturing to the machine.
“Please, I’m begging you.” Jack cried theatrically, “No place has been able to live up to yours. I’ll be back in a moment.” He said, turning on his heels.
Ianto pottered about the coffee machine before being nudged in the shin by the now fully inflated sheep.
He put it on the counter top, “So what do you want to be called?” he asked the piece of plastic.
“Ianto?” Jack hollered
“Yes?” Ianto called back picking up the sheep as he went in search of the voice, twirling it between his hands as he went back to the workstations. To find Jack coming out his office.
“Where did this come from?” Jack asked holding up an identical inflated sheep.
“I don’t know there was just one in the box…wasn’t there?”
“Owen.” Jack growled.
“Look I’m sure it’ll be fine, lets just have a coffee then we can figure this out.” Ianto said imparting his calmness onto Jack who had squeezing the life out of the sheep.
Ianto turned back into the coffee area, and reached for the cupboard which housed the cups. Only to be swapped by a mass of inflated sheep falling onto him, and him onto the ground.
“This is just not right.” He uttered from the floor.
“Are you okay?” Jack said offering a hand after he heard the thud.
“When I see Owen can I please hit him? Hard?” Ianto asked brushing down his suit.
“Still want that coffee?” Jack said picking up was many sheep as possible and putting them into a bin bag.
“If I have to spend my night clearing up multiplying inflatable sheep, yes.” Ianto replied, throwing the last sheep from the cupboard to get to the cups.
~…~
“This is impossible.” Ianto sighed looking at the hundreds of inflated sheep now littered about the Hub; in bins, on workstations, in workstations, in the autopsy bay, disturbingly in the autopsy subject looking like a deluded parody of Alien. Then slumped down on the miraculously sheep free couch. The bin gargled and spat out more sheep, as did the draws, Ianto rolled his eyes and fantasised about beating Owen with the bin.
A loud banging broke the inevitable wretched squeak of vinyl on vinyl. Following the banging Ianto noticed a lone arm in-between a swathe of sheep parts in the armoury.
“Jack?” he asked and the arm thrashed furiously from side to side up against the Perspex.
Keying in the release code for the door Jack tumbled out, as did the rest of contents of the armoury.
“Are you alright?”
“I got stuck.”
“Oh.” Ianto made a small sound, to keep a grin from appearing.
“Me! Stuck in my own armoury, by-by- It’s not funny.” Jack reprimanded seeing Ianto’s expression.
Ianto burst out laughing.
~…~
Ianto slammed Jacks office door shut when they were both safely in and propped a chair up against the groaning door.
“I’m going to bloody kill Owen and his clichéd gifts!” Jack growled and sat on his desk.
“Not very inventive I agree.” Ianto panted and sat next to him, sans suit jacket.
“Two grown men, trapped in an office by inflatable sheep.”
“Dignity is lacking in the situation.”
“When did you lose your tie?” Jack asked, his voice turning softer.
“Mmm, that was somewhere between the water-tower and when the bin erupted again.”
“At risk of it being lost again…” Jack said and leaned backwards on his desk reaching the draw and pulling out a neatly wrapped gift. “I was going to give it to you before, well before-” he said and looked at the glass wall of his office which had many a face of sheep pressed against it.
Ianto carefully unwrapped the gift; a tie.
“I hope you like the colour; I thought it’d look good on you.” Jack nudged his shoulder.
“Thank you Jack, it’s gorgeous.” Ianto said quietly, giving him a shy smile.
“Oh and there’s something else in there.”
“I thought it looked big for a tie.” Ianto said and took another layer of wrapping paper off.
“I know this was supposed to be a fresh start for you, but…well I thought it might help you remember the good times.”
“Where did you get this?” Ianto asked breathlessly, holding the picture in his hands.
“It was sent a few days after it was took. I suppose Yvonne wanted to goad me, as usual. I looked but I couldn’t find you in it.” Jack said tracing his finger along the rows of people underneath the glass.
“I-I was ill, so I didn’t get in the staff picture. She wasn’t pleased.”
“Shame, I’d have liked to have seen you in it.” Jack smiled.
“Thank you.” Ianto said and hugged Jack.
“Are you sure you didn’t change your aftershave?” Jack asked a few moments later.
Ianto laughed slightly, “Yes I did, and you’re the only one to notice.”
“How could I not?”
Ianto broke away from the hug, “We really should do something about Ethlred.”
“Ethlred?”
“You wanted me to choose a name.”
“Tell you what, we get out of here, kick some Ethlred ass, then we go and get breakfast.”
Ianto looked lost in fantasy for a second, “I really do like breakfast.”
“So how do you propose we get out of this one?”
“Can’t we just burst them?”
“What with?”
“Are there only guns in the armoury? What about swords, or knifes or something?”
“I don’t think so; I didn’t see any before I got trapped in there.” Jack said before glaring at Ianto, “You can stop smirking.”
“But it was funny.” Ianto giggled, before clearing his throat and composing himself.
“Thank you.” Jack said and looked around the office, “Ahh. I’ve got it.” He said looking pleased with himself.
“Tell me you’re joking.” Ianto begged.
~…~
Hours, along with a few broken pencils, later Jack and Ianto emerged victorious over the herd of Ethlreds.
“Where’s the one we took out the box?” Jack asked, twirling the pencil between his fingers.
“By the coffee machine…that’s where I had it last. Unless we burst it?”
“Something tells me that am not possible.” Jack said leading Ianto to the machine, and sure as his word, there was the innocent looking Elthred, with the stupid grin on its face. Ianto did have to ponder why put a smile on an inflatable sheep; it’s not like they smiled in real life. Shrugging off his fleeting thought he went in search of its box.
Jack picked the sheep up and glared, “Well I don’t know what you’re smiling at.”
“Found it!” Ianto called and hurried back to Jack.
The sheep was put in and the box taped up quicker than it took for Ianto to say “breakfast” which was fast encroaching on his mind, and his stomach.
“Can we be mean and give this to Owen?”
“You mean let him battle the sheep?”
Ianto nodded, “We have just cause.”
“Shouldn’t we be the bigger men and rise above it?”
“He’s like half a foot shorter of course we’re the bigger men.” Ianto pointed out.
“Maybe we could make him sharpen pencils for the next week?”
“Nope still not good enough.”
“Come on lets get something to eat.” Jack said.
“Do we have to? I’m so tired.”
“What happened to; ‘I really do like breakfast’”
“Its still there, but usually I have breakfast after I’ve been to sleep.”
“Now you’re just splitting hairs.”
“You go, bring me back a muffin or something.” Ianto replied, and turned to the couch and slumped down into it, and groaned.
“You want some privacy?” Jack mocked.
“It’s never been so comfortable.” Ianto said closing his eyes.
“Come on,” Jack said pulling Ianto up, “You need rest.”
“But breakfast.” Ianto whinged and put on a small pout.
“What did you say earlier?”
“Bring me back a muffin.” Ianto recited in a tired stroppy tone.
“Before that?” Jack asked, opening the door to his office, and Ianto shrugged pathetically, “Well let me refresh your memory, you said; ‘I normally have breakfast after I’ve been to sleep’.” Jack said, in sort of a mini self-triumph moment.
“’Usually.’” Ianto corrected, “I said; usually have.”
“Look you’re going to get some rest whether you like it or not.” Jack said point to the hatch in the corner of his office.
“Can’t this just be on of those ‘unusual’ times when I don’t go to sleep before breakfast?”
“Nope, sorry.”
“Alright.” Ianto uttered climbing down the ladders, “but you’re going to have to explain to them why I’m dressed in yesterday’s clothes and in your bed.”
“Wear that tie I got you and they wont ask.” Jack said with glee, following Ianto below deck.
“Wont stop you telling.” Ianto said toeing his shoes off in a very unlike-Ianto fashion.
“Oh how little faith you have in me.” Jack said throwing back the covers, “I’ll be the perfect gentleman.” He continued from the small bathroom adjacent as Ianto got undressed.
“And why spoil a habit of a lifetime?” Ianto said snuggling down in the covers- it was remarkably comfy.
“I wouldn’t want you mad at me now would I?” Jack said and sat on the bed, “Do you need anything else?”
“Mmm-no.” Ianto moaned softly as he began to drift off.
Jack smoothed Ianto hair down slightly and left as quietly as possible.
Jack took himself to the couch, Ianto had been right it had never been more comfortable, and rested for a few hours, gathering enough strength to kick Owens arse.
He was woke cruelly by a brass voice ringing in his ear; “Oi, you. What’s the meaning of this?” Owen said, somewhere between annoyed and disappointed, “My gift isn’t good enough for the new boy is it?” he asked, and threw the newly inflated sheep at Jack.
“Oh Owen…” Jack groaned, “Please tell me you haven’t.”
“I damn well have. It was in good will, he could have at least taken it out the box.” He said sitting down at his work station.
Jack kept quiet, “What’s in the bag?” he asked.
“Muffins, as I did ask Ianto yesterday but obviously he’s forgotten, again.” Owen said, still upset, “Where is he anyway? Shouldn’t he be here mindlessly milling around, trying to catch your eye?”
“He’s asleep. It was a long night.”
“Oh you two finally did it then?” Owen asked, his mood improving, “Ha, Suzie owes me a pint.” He said smugly.
“Is that coffee too?” Jack asked pointing to the two take-out trays of cups.
“Yeah, I couldn’t smell any when I came in so I figured Ianto hadn’t gotten any yet. So I brought them, for which I want reimbursing tell him.”
“I shall.” Jack said taking two ‘things’ of coffee and a few muffins, and disappeared for a minute into his office, “Owen?”
“Mm?” the doctor replied, and Jack threw a pencil sharpener at him.
“We don’t want to be disturbed.” Jack replied, with a coy smile.
“I hope you two will keep it down-some of us have work to do- wait what’s this for?” he asked looking curiously at the pencil sharpener as the sheep breezed past him.
“It’ll come in useful. Oh and he-” Jack said pointing to the sheep, “Is called Ethlred.”
“God, not another stupid Welsh name around here?” Owen asked rhetorically, rolled his eyes, and then kicked the sheep over to Suzie’s station.
“Just try not to disturb us.” Jack reiterated going back into his office and shut the door before taking the coffee & muffins down to Ianto.
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